How To Give Yourself More Space By Creating More Boundaries
Working within healthy boundaries that we set for ourselves sounds good but often times we don’t take the time or effort to put them into practice and stick to them. Boundaries are meant to be set up to be constructive, not destructive so there’s no need to be scared of them! To get some help with how to pick a boundary and stick to it, we asked the famous Casey Van Zandt for some coaching, and as always, boy did she deliver!
Your first question is probably something like, “How in the world do I know where I need a boundary?”
Casey’s quick tip here is to take the time to assess your work day to see what is working well and what could use some improvements. If something isn’t working well, maybe that’s where you should look at setting a boundary. The key is to make sure to set boundaries that are going to be mutually beneficial for both you and the success of your property and team. There’s no need to rush to set a million boundaries all on your first go. Start with just one boundary so you can perfect your approach.
Once you’ve picked out what your boundary needs to be, now comes a crucial step - communicating it to your team!
Casey lays out some fabulous Do’s and Don’ts on how to accomplish this. Her first piece of advice is to always try and communicate the boundary in person. If an in person conversation is not plausible, try a video message or voice recording to send out. The importance of this is so that your voice is not lost and therefore your boundary is not misunderstood. When you explain your boundary, be as specific as possible so that everyone is clear on what is to be expected. Feel free to reiterate your boundary via voice message or video message even after an in person conversation has taken place. One thing that you do not want to do is add a justification at the end of explaining your boundary. This is a nervous filler that many of us are guilty of I’m sure, but it can devalue your boundary which is not what we want at all!
So, you’ve determined your boundary, you’ve communicated your boundary and now UH OH! It’s been crossed or violated! What are you going to do?!
No matter how serious or casual the violation is, it’s best to bring it up right away. (Even if it’s a little awkward) When we wait to address boundary violations, it can lose its power and now gives the impression to others that your boundary is just a mere suggestion. Promptness is not the only factor to consider when addressing a violation though. You also want to make sure you are kind and tactful about it.
One of the best ways to deal with the violation of a boundary is to prepare for it. Take a minute and think about what it would be like if someone crossed a boundary and how you would react. Envisioning this encounter can help you react calmly can prevent your emotions from taking control of the situation.
If you don’t get anything from this blog, make sure you get this next line - Your boundaries matter, they are valuable, and they deserve to be respected! Write that down, highlight it, write it on your mirror, whatever you have to do so that you don’t forget it. Now go set your boundaries and GET. STUFF. DONE. We believe in you!